i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
