I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I can text with my tongue
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
