Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
