Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
