So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
