he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize