I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I understand Curling. That high.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
