our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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