Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
