talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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