you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
