They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
