i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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