His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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