bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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