The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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