It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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