i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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