Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
