I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize