My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's blow job season.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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