Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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