Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
