when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
