forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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