You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
