I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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