Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
