walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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