She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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