He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
