I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
