dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
