Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
