I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
