Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
