I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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