my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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