there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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