Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
