i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
