At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
