i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
