I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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