mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I need to stop coming to work sober
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
