Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize