That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
