You're completely useless in the revolution.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
