sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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