did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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