it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
