I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
