before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
