if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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