Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize