I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
