I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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