Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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