Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
