Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
