Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
