I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
