I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
