Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize