What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
