Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
