Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
