Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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