Buhtt sex?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
