I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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