So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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