uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
