So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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