I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
