just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
