Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
