I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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