so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
