So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
3 2 1 whiskey
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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