Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
