I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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