tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
