Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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