WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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