$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
