i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
