Can Purell be used as lube?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
