My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
