it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
