Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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