Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize