do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
