don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
