I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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