It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
