He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
